I actually believe that our lives are already laid out before us. Theres a path each one of us is meant to follow. We come in and out of one anothers lives fpr very specfic reasons. One alittle action, or a major catastrophe, ripples along, changing in its path for a reason. At the time we may think its unfair, torture even. Later we are able to see the effect it caused and what good came from it…
Depression. You’ve all heard it or think you know someone with it and you might think you know what it is. You don’t know a thing about it tho, if you don’t have this mental illness you have no idea what it is. So let me tell you about my depression in my own words.
What is depression? Well, Depression is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities you’ve once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. My depression keeps me up at night till 4 or 6 am when I work at 9 am. I constantly feel like I want to die or just run away just so I’ll be happy again and everyone else too. I think if I just left people would be way happier. I would rather be home in bed 24/7, I don’t like being around people. I am a hermit to the extreme. Some days it hurts to get up like I’m physically and emotionally just tired. I constantly think of what if’s or I don’t think at all. I’m just here but not here. I feel everyday that I’ll never be enough for anyone. I literally force myself to get up every morning, to eat, to go out in public and just to be around people. I have a child now and everyday seeing him makes me happy but it hurts knowing I don’t think I’m enough for him. I’m drowning but not even around water.
Depression affects an estimated one in 15 adults (6.7%) in any given year. And one in six people (16.6%) will experience depression at some time in their life. I try everyday to smile and be happy go lucky but it’s hard. So damn hard.
I suffer from an eating disorder and my depression isn’t really helping it. I feel myself slowly relapsing and it sucks I know I just had a beautiful baby boy and I’m going to be chunky for awhile. When people keep mentioning it tho it doesn’t help AT ALL, I get it I’m big, I get it I am not small, I have stretch marks now. I’m still beautiful tho! It’s a daily battle in my head and it my heart. I have to be strong for Maddox and I.