“Sons are the anchors of a mother’s life.” – Sophocles
Maddox Jose Rivera. Born on May 28, 2019 at 4:51 am. 7 lbs and 19 inches long.
I’ve tried for years to have a baby, with PCOS it’s basically impossible. I lost faith, lost hope and just 100% gave up. After finally getting a better job, a good house, I started school and has
finally gotten a new car. My life was finally going on the right path and I was working my ass off to make sure It stayed as perfect as I thought it was. In the back of my head I was always thinking what if and I felt empty and my depression or anxiety sometimes didn’t let me enjoy my life.
I was always mad at myself for something I had no control over, I thought sometimes everyone life would be easier if I just died. I tried so drown myself in the bathtub (turns out I like breathing), I tried to not sleep for days and drive see if someone would just hit me (turns out laying in bed you’ll fall asleep eventually). I was at a low point in my life, one day I just woke up and decided to start taking my medication for my depression again and going to the dr to talk about it and figure out what’s all going on. When Dr. Lyons said “Ellena you’re pregnant.” I laughed right in his face. He set me up an appointment at Panhandle OBGYN and I went in a few weeks after and they confirmed it but turns out I was 12 weeks. I had no idea, I just thought all the drinking finally caught up to me and I was getting a beer gut. That was definitely not the case this time.
I had to start taking Progesterone to try to be able to save this one. It worked once I hit 24 weeks I was out of the woods. I was so happy I couldn’t imagine it, I’m going to be a mom. Will I be a good one, will I be like mine, will I be okay. So many questions and doubts came to mind but I never thought that I’d be doing this. I was so overwhelmed yet so excited, if that makes since.
Maddox is 2 months in 8 days, I never in a million years would’ve thought I’d say I have a 2 month old son or daughter. Maddox has saved my life and he has no idea, I may not be a perfect mom but I’m a good mom to him. He is my baby and not a day goes by that I miss him even if I spend all day with him. He makes my heart so happy and so full of life again.
My depression is still there from time to time but I got all my medications in line and got a dr I can talk to and a even better support system. Thank you all who’s been by my side from day 1 and week 12 haha.
Here is the Maddox grand debut on my blog. More stories are yet to come guys. Thank you.